Trial

Cant rhyme anymore, cant jot down my feelings on a piece of paper like I used to before. Why is that so? I dun know. Maybe it’s because the words that used to honor the papers, now stay inside me; taking shape of a tornado that swirls on the lands of loneliness every day. Maybe I’ve lost the courage to tell the world what I really feel for I have no more trust on anyone. Maybe I’m too scared to be hurt again; too cringed to even crawl. Maybe I’m so occupied by my thoughts; thoughts on how to escape this world of selfishness. Whatever the reason! Whatever the cause! Today I sit to write for I’m too full. I want to let out the storm inside me. Why do I feel so much? Why do I fall again and again? Why cant I learn from my mistakes? Why do I look for love in this world? This craving kills me inside, pinches me down to the ground. How can I match the ultimate criteria of being loved? This question drives me crazy, shakes me inside. It’s devastating that I still cant write anything; it’s depriving that I am out of words again; it’s dejecting that I am not a writer anymore. Words used to flow through me like water through the seas. Now it’s not like that! I keep on writing and erasing. I dont know how this would get back to normal but like any other individual; I miss myself; the old me. I miss how I used to be oblivious of the cruelties of life, ignorant of this hollow world. I miss my innocence, miss the happy me. I wish I could just rotate the hands of clock back to the good times with no worries. It’s funny yet it’s what my soul yearns for.

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