From “Letters to a friend” (4)

They say, I just can’t be with you.I’ve flaws, I’m not worthy enough. Tell em, you got imperfections too. Neither are you worth my worth.
They say, I lied and betrayed you. I never deserved any love. Tell em, I let ya free because I loved ya much. To me, you were never the right dove.
They say, you were the sun and I was a moon. I’ll always need you to shine bright. Tell em, I’m the queen of night and you are the king of noon. I never wanted to live in your light.
They say, I am a flower with no fragrance. I don’t match the prime calibre. Tell em, I am a sunflower who’s beauty they can’t sense. I am flower that flies like a bird.

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Being Impulsive

So yes! This one’s about being driven to instant decisions; 90% of which turn out to be the wrong ones. They say, “Think before you speak”. I completely agree to that. Putting it a bit more my way, I ld say, “Think before you act or speak. Otherwise just stay shut”. Sometimes we become impulsive, besetting things we never meant to do or go with. There are times we say that we regret it. We regret it when we dont think much about it. Judging someone or concluding an image for them based on one mistake or maybe a few acts, is never the right way. We need to know extremes of anything lead us to what we never desire of in most cases. If we are crestfallen, we need to get back to normal before being decisive. Even if we are glad and our happiness know no bounds, we should be able to limit our thoughts at first hand. For example. Just think of the times you promised yourself something you won’t do for something you want at that time. Later on,we regret it because we can’t keep upto our words. Ohkay! Think of the times you burst out of anger over your friend because you were in a bad mood. Later on, you feel sorry for acting that way. Being impulsive, I guess it’s in everyone’s nature. We somehow have grown up watching people react instantly and we adopt it. We never care about how the next person would feel or even if he deserves our impulsive behaviour. We just vent out our frustration and anger on whatever we see coming our way. Even in blissful moments, we overdo everything. In easy words, we forget to limit our reactions. So let’s start being non-impulsive and try finding a solution to it. 

Wrong directions…

We being humans are a Pandora box; full of emotions and replete with the consequences of failing emotions too. What I have learnt till now in my life about emotional attachments is what’s wandering around over my head tonight. Talked alot about stars and moons, magic and dust, love and regret yet what never changed was the jist of all this, “Emotional Attachments”. In every case what stayed the same was the direction that we give to our emotions. I had been so wrong at times where I went over to the wrong direction. And by wrong direction, I never mean that one or more people involved are wrong but I ld say the way we see them went wrong. I’ve noticed one common thing in human nature. We look for tags to people and names to relationships. We never see bonds beyond names. We stay unaware of relations that don’t need any kind of tags or names. They are there and stay there. Our mindsets have constricted our thoughts. Let’s put it in an example. We often hear a teenager telling his friends that he fell in love with certain someone and now wants to pass his whole life with that person. That teenager probably gives his emotions the wrong direction. He calls his mere infatuation to be love. His timely likeness for that specific person disappears with time and we see the same teenager repeating it all over again. We need to clear the difference between infatuation and love in our minds. And more than that, we need to understand that not every bond is to be named. There are somethings that have no name because a word is never eligible enough to describe that relation. Well! I believe we never learn if we don’t make mistakes. Mistakes help us be a better us. So let’s just hope we manage to give right directions to our emotional attachments in future and don’t repeat silly mistakes.

Like a moon, I’ll glow

  • A little less I’ve decided to miss being with you, 
  • A little more I’m trying on learning to live,
  • Like a moon I’ll get back my shine too,
  • A little more in myself, now I believe,
  • Shimmering stars will sparkle around me again,
  • My nights will get their glow back somehow,
  • I won’t lose my stars no matter how hard it rain,
  • A little more strong to the clouds, I stand now…

Let the gone be gone

Ohkay! Well I just erased 5 lines that I wrote for my cat. I was intending to write a long essay in its memory but somehow I wasn’t getting along lines. Anyways! So here it is to a new beginning which I ld start with saying, “Let the gone be gone”. No more of crying or getting sentimental. No more of those sappy lines. No more “Hi” to the “Bye”. I always used to think that it completely depends on us holding on to something or someone. I never thought about what if the next person never wanted us to hold on. To me, loving something or someone always meant giving in your all no matter how badly it damages you within, no matter how ruthlessly it makes you drown into darkness. Being passionate about something or someone, to me it meant diminishing whatsoever hindered you from reaching it regardless of how long and fleecy the road was. I always knew it half. I was always right about it but was never aware of the complete picture. It’s good walking to someone and making steps towards them but remember it’s never good when the other person is walking away. You keep on ceasing the distance whereas the other one keeps on aggrandizing it. This becomes a never ending journey. Why care about someone who never cared? Why searching something that was never lost? Why looking for stars when the sky is clear? It’s like walking on a road that’s gonna end into nowhere but a well. A well full of devastating memories, depriving moments and dejecting regrets. So why not step back before ending up someway like that. Let’s just cut it short. One of my friends told me a few days back, “Life is too short to waste it on people who don’t care, who never cared”. And I completely agree to that. So here’s to a “Hi” to my words again and a “Bye” to all the old “Byes”. 

Hardly you know…

  • Hardly you know,what you did to me,
  • You did to me what autumn does to leaves,
  • Baby! you made me fall, fall deep into the deepest of seas,
  • This pleasurable pain is more than what the leaves perceive,
  • Hardly you know, what you did to me,
  • You did to me what tears do to the eyes,
  • Baby! you welled me, welled my heart with the deepest of holes,
  • So deep! Now you can’t even hear my cries…

The trees next to my window…

So it’s about today when I was having one of my final exams. I was sitting in the examination hall next to a window; with my head hanging down while I yawned and waited for the examiner to give me the question paper. I was looking around the hall and I could see a mixture of feelings on everyone’s face. Depressed, stressed, shell-shocked, anxious and what not! after all it was our final exam. Just then, I peeked out of the window I sat next to. It was a windy day today and outside the window I could see an empty ground; more yellow than green. There was a weird silence in the ground although the leaves kept splashing eachother. I could see no one in there. It was empty; completely barren of people. May be it was some kind of restricted area. Anyhow! What I noticed and what I was shook by were those trees standing alone in a land full of nothing but the silence. Although I know the trees can speak to one another by their root connection but I was pretty much bothered by the emptiness. The way the land was devoid of bliss reminded me the way how humans are deprived of humanity. Like those yellow leaves falling down the trees; we shed our goodness. Everyday instead of walking up the stair of right, we are tripping down the levels of evilness. While I saw how empty the ground seemed with all its degenerated leaves and all the mess, I could see humans like that. The trees clearly portrayed us. We fight for the heights and forget that our roots stay connected. We forget that the leaves we are shedding are what we are going to absorb. After they fall down, they’ll be taken up by the roots. Either they ll strengthen us or make us weak. If what we shed is “Right”, we probably ll be making us hollow inside. If what we shed is “Wrong”, we ld be strengthened. My mind kept wondering about those trees till I had my exam paper in my hands. Maybe it was the exam stress or something us but those trees in that geek ground were what had my attention bound to them for sometime today.

Me and my hair…

So Yes! Finally I got a haircut. I was thinking of it from about a month or so but never thought it would end up the way it is now. The length I was expecting should’ve been a little longer but sadly, it’s not. My hair look more kind of messed up now. Damn! Why on earth she(the hairdresser) didn’t get control over her scissors while cutting off my hair. She kept on moving the scissors around over my head; telling me she won’t cut them short. On every cut she made, my heart pumped faster. The amount of hair that dropped down on the floor were equal to the beats my heart dropped down. How could she do that? How cruel she was to handle my hair like that? Ah! What can I do now! The time has passed and here I sit with these short hair. Let’s hope they grow back longer soon.